9 to 5

This week I joined the ranks of the working mothers. I can't really complain though, Matthew and I have decided to forgo wealth and the security it brings and have me only work two days a week. Thus allowing me to create a perfect life-work balance (a la all the pamphlets lying around my workplace). It's actually been quite fun to be back. I've liked using different parts of my brain again, and engaging other adults in conversations that don't all centre around the whims and follies of a twelve month old. And I was amazed about how much of the minute little details I remembered, down to all the codes to log into the various computer programs. It's been nice two days.

That being said it's been hard too. The Bean got sick the Friday before I went back. And has been much more clingy than usual because of it. I thought she was on the mend, but after being all sweetness and light with my mother all day today, she became listless and feverish within minutes of me returning home. Some tylenol and cuddling seem to have turned it around, but I hate that she's sick at all.

It's been hard leaving her while she's ill and think it would have been hard to leave her even if she was the picture of health. But I know I'm incredibly lucky. I'm lucky I have family and friends nearby who are able to watch her when I work, so I don't have to pay for daycare. I'm lucky I live in a country that recognizes the importance of parental leave (one year!). And I'm lucky I have a job that is willing to work with my schedule and my demands. All in all this week has gone really well.

In other news I made a really great pizza tonight, using a quick, no rise pizza dough. I used home made pesto for the sauce and put on artichoke hearts, roasted red peppers, kalamata olives and sundried tomatoes. I also threw a cup of tofu in the food processor with a tablespoon of nutritional yeast and some salt for our cheeze topping. It was perfect if I do say so myself. I may have to reinstate pizza Fridays in the household. Something I think Matthew may go for.

I'm knitting the dress that will not end right now. I thought I would love a simple stockinette stitch body after making a lacy number last summer. BUT I am soooo bored of knitting so many stitches around and around and around with no variation. Ihave been making progress if only because I need to show something every week at my mommy knitting meetup, but I feel like it's going so so slowly. It doesn't help that it's on small needles. However I made a resolution that I can't start anything new until this project is finished. So finish it I will. There's a tea cozy pattern I have my eye on, so that's my motivation to get the dress of the needles and on to the Bean.

Veggie Planet

Both my mister and I are vegetarians, and have been for a few years. We've recently switched to a vegan diet, at least in our home. The veganism is really the fault of the book Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. I had started reading it thinking it was a memoir about the authors decision to raise his son vegetarian, and the challenges involved. I'm planning on raising the Bean to be a veggie and I wanted to read about someone else's experience. The book had elements about little vegetarians, but he spends the bulk of the book discussing factory farming in the US. And like a car accident I just couldn't look away from, I was unable to put the book down, no matter how horrible the descriptions became. And by the end of the book I'd become a vegan.

I was already part Vegan before I read this book. We gave up milk a long time ago since both of us prefer soy milk. My husbands likes eggs, but I've always been pretty iffy about them. I like yogurt, but can live without it and rarely purchase it. Cheese, however, was my downfall. But we've stopped buying it. And I'm finding two months later that I don't really miss it. We've got many great vegan cookbooks, our city is very vegan friendly (our local bagel shop sells vegan cream cheese!) and were eating a wider variety of foods now. Instead of limiting our diet, I feel like we've expanded it.

The Bean is going to be a vegetarian. Not a vegan. At least not yet. I'm still researching it. I've read quite a few books about vegetarian kids, but there seems to be a lot less out there about vegan children. She'll be starting solid food soon. Already, at four months, she's started grabbing for our food and drinks. I'm looking forward to seeing her discover different textures and tastes. I'm excited to find out what she loves and hates and everything in between. But I am a little worried about not having her eat meat throughout her childhood. I don't want to limit her options when she's older. If she decides she wants to be a meat eater at some point in the future, I want her to be able to enjoy a hamburger without any digestive consequences. Everything I've read does seem to indicate that it is possible. So vegetarian she will be.

The other food issue that keeps me up at night, is how do I make sure she has a healthy relationship with food? Eating disorders are incredibly prevalent, especially for girls. Our culture seems to hold disordered eating up as an ideal, with value being placed on self denial and food being considered a vice. I've struggled my entire life with body image and I don't want my daughter to share the struggle. Some suggestions I've heard is to not attach emotion to food, don't guilt a child into finishing their plate if they don't want to. Don't define different foods as good or bad, it's all just food. Teach children to listen to their bodies, teach them to only eat when their hungry and to stop when they are full. All sound like good ideas, but I know it's going to be an uphill battle, I'm going to be going against every other message she's going to be receiving. And I know that if I'm going to be successful at all I'm going to have to try to redefine my relationship with food too.

Raising a Feminist

Every morning, before he goes to work, the mister and I put the Bean in her stroller and take our dog for a walk. Our usual route takes us past the local high school, and we always seem to be walking by during the morning break. At least I assume that's what's happening, there is always a large number of teenagers crowding the sidewalk and smoking.

This morning as we were walking by, we passed a group of girls walking the other direction. One of them was wearing a shirt sporting the playboy bunny logo. My mister turned to me, after they went by, and asked me if I would let the Bean out of the house at fourteen wearing a similar t-shirt. I told him I hoped we would have raised her so that she doesn't think the objectification of women is cool. Hopefully her wanting to wear that t-shirt, or another one of a similar theme, will never be an issue. Hopefully she'll be sporting a "this is what a feminist looks like" t-shirt instead.

As soon as I found out I was going to be having a baby , I started to think about how I would go about raising a feminist, no matter what the gender. When I found out my baby was a girl, I started to worry. I was incredibly happy to be having a girl, but this world is so hard on them. There is so many obstacles to raising a healthy, happy girl to be a happy, healthy adult. How do you go about it, when everywhere she'll go and everything she sees, will be telling her that there is something wrong with her?

So far I've come up with a few ideas.

Fist of all, love her. Love her. Love her. No matter what she does, how she dresses and what she says, I want my daughter to know that she is loved, and have the security and freedom that comes with that knowledge. I want her to know that her self worth and her value do not come from her appearance, or how desired she may or may not be. That she is more than a sum of her parts, and that happiness is based on her own definitions and not her dress size.

I want to teach her to think critically and to question the messages she's getting from the media, her teachers and even her parents. She should have the space to form her own opinions about the world and her place in it. And hopefully we can provide an atmosphere where she feels confident to express her thoughts and opinions, even if they differ from our own.

I plan on encouraging her in whatever she wants to pursue, no matter how fleeting the idea is. She wants to eat bugs, I'll find a recipe. She wants to study dinosaurs, will plan a trip to Drumheller. She wants to be a princess, I'll help her build a castle out of the sofa cushions and turn the dog into a dragon.

She will be a reader. Books were an important part of both mine and my husband's lives. To me books open the door to learning empathy, expand one's imagination, and are the cornerstone of the previously mentioned critical thinking. Also they're fun. And in my experience there is a lot of room for fun within feminism.